we took our seats
on plastic worn out
chairs, tired walls
surrounded us, painful
carpets rolled out to welcome
us, i wish it was a happy
time, as each minute
ticked by we waited
crossed our fingers
and held onto hopes
they wheeled your bed
round, you smiled
you actually smiled
and said i’m okay
if only the ending
turned out the same way
your chapter
came to an end
just six months later
i carry you with me
wherever i go
because you know
grief is love
with nowhere to go
i am the one
that keeps my head
down, the one that speaks
in soft whispers
and gentle tones
the one that shudders at
loud noises
and irritating voices
i am the one
that though quiet
is listening to
every word you
haven’t said
to every thought
in your head
that you can’t explain
i am the one
that writes
every memory
alive on the page
the one that connects
the dots
to find an answer
but if you hurt her
if you push her
too hard
if you must know
it will spell disaster
i am the weather that spirals
in cylinder shapes, i am the wind
that dances over dangerous curves
i am the tight twist
of air that admits
defeat and drops
away at a moment’s notice, i am the sun
that drops
in on my terms, i am the spiral
of snow softly sweeping, i admit
i caused the wind
to terribly twist
the trees curves
but i am not the one that made you dislike your curves
i am not the one that told you to drop
it and try something else, i am not the one that twisted
your mind leaving you with no good inside, i am not the one that caused you to spiral
out of control, i am not the force of the wind
that you couldn’t stand any longer, but i have to admit
i let you down, i let you drop in the wind
i drew you a spiral and you twisted to fit into it
i admit
hi hello welcome
you don’t need to wipe your feet
no one will notice
here, you’ll find a button
you can press it if you like
what you see
i’ll tell you what i can see
and you’re welcome
to take no notice if you like
there’s not a lot of good here, keep your feet
on the ground, button
up and don’t take any notice
of the weird, strange inappropriate people, instead notice
the good parts, the kind, the community, see
us as the internet family, hover over the button
if you’re not sure, but you’re always welcome
strings of comments, likes and pictures tap at your feet
do you see anything you like?
i used to worry about all of this, i didn’t like
anyone to notice
me on here, i moved slowly my feet
ahead where i can see
i didn’t always feel welcome
in some parts of this digital town, but i hit the button
when you hit the button
you take a chance, you get to see what this other world is like
you’re welcome to disagree
but if you haven’t noticed
this is where many friendships begin, look and see
that your feet
are just the same as me, it’s not just feet
though, kindness should be in every part of you
when you hit that button
please look closely and see
there’s things i like
and things i’d rather not notice
that’s the internet, welcome!
i see more than you think, my feet
lead me to the welcome button
each time, i like it here it’s okay, but i notice
there needs to be change
i trust that you took what you wanted from me
you twisted through veins and up the hairs on the back of my neck
to find your way in
you stopped me
slowly but surely
to make sure i couldn’t crawl out of bed
to stay down and defeated instead
weak but slightly in awe of your power
strength took a long time to regain
and i felt you weren’t finished yet
but you finally disappeared and left me alone
now tell me, when’s my taste coming home?
imagine if the flowers died out
and the grass didn’t green
like it used to, if you can picture a world where it rains
everyday
and the sky can never blue
like it used to
lives are lost like loose change
numbers are climbing
higher and life is getting shorter
coping is something of the past
ends don’t meet
easier things we do not get
harder we don’t try
what’s the point
we’ve ruined everything we’ve been given
people don’t know how to act
until something is broken or doesn’t work
until it’s too late
you can’t erase a bad decision
you could’ve done something
to prevent it
but you sat tight lipped arms crossed head down
like you were told to
so when you ask for a vision of the future
i’ll paint your sunset dreams
with honey yellows and tangerine oranges
it’s what you asked for
between the cluster of trees
is where i long to be
floating somewhere between ground and sky
above but not below
within yet without
in a dreaming circle of lines and squares
i pass by broccoli lane
in a haze
but there couldn’t be a moment
where i’d miss your face
skies are only blue because you’re standing under them
but when the sun sets
and it’s just a fading streetlight
we’ll be two stars lost in the night
it’s not always about the price
when you’re trying to reach your goal
sometimes you have to walk cracked tiles
to find the blue sky of delight
and it’s not a quick walk it’s a timely
stroll, there is a strong motion
that i must pass you by, but i’m pulled back by other emotions
who want me to pay the price
for something i haven’t done, time after time
doesn’t make it any easier, it’s passed and you’ve missed your goal
and you’re stood at the turquoise ocean of delight
but you blink and you’re stood on the kitchen tiles
that you forgot to paint, unpainted tiles
create a motion
of carelessness, and i’m delighted
that we choose a pricey
orange because my goal
is to be as colourful as possible, watch the time
it moves fast and time
waits for no one, this place is like a glass tile
fragile to touch but beautiful to look at, if this is the goal
i think we’ve achieved it, but i have a strong motion
to rip it out and start again, what a price
to pay for an undecisive delightfully
annoying mind that can’t decide what delightful
colour to paint
i could undo a life in hours if i never said goodbye
at that frosted mossy window
you hated the way i could see in
and you could barely see out past the carpark
but i waited minutes hours days
i traded stories with other worried relatives
you were a bundle of blankets
and cups of tea sipped gently through straws
because you’d already lost your teeth
and i was so glad you slept soundly
and didn’t hear the old man singing loudly
for it wasn’t your taste of music nor mine
so i lived back and forth from bed to cafe
the one day i had a lecture i needed to go
was when the phone call came no
you didn’t make it and you were gone that insant
and i’m sorry to all if i appeared distant
but one is suddenly ripped from your grasp
it’s like losing your footing on a stair that isn’t there
when i notice an orb or a shadow
i wonder if i will touch some face i recognise
or maybe you’ll choose an elaborate disguise
when our reunion comes to be,
don’t worry Grandma,
i’ll be standing at the gates with your tea
next year
i’ll remember to take photos
of every moment
as with each passing year
your memory fades a little bit more
special moments turn into blurred montages
at the end of the movie
as the credits roll in for this year
i want to look ahead
i won’t sit in troubled silence again
meloncurls 