a changed opinion

i used to wish i wouldn’t see
another day, i wanted to dissolve
and disappear into thin air
to not exist anymore
would have been a relief
to me but a hurt

to others, but if it means i’m no longer hurting
isn’t it worth seeing
if it might feel better? it would be no relief
to you, i can’t just be dissolved
from your imagination
i can’t just not be there anymore
i can’t just live in the air

in your opinion, i would feel calmer floating among the air
i don’t want to hurt
anymore
you don’t see
what this world has done to me, i can’t hide or dissolve
but there comes a relief

i never meant to hurt you, i couldn’t dissolve
my pain
i didn’t want to see anymore
i watch your relief hang in the air

a misunderstanding

i always worry people misunderstand
me, i’m not the clearest with my words
it sounds fine in my head
but as each letter leaves my mouth
i’m greeted with confused faces
who think what’s wrong

with her? she doesn’t make sense, is it wrong
to feel misunderstood
like people are listening
but no one is hearing you
if they want to change
what i say

why don’t they make it more interesting

i misunderstood the meaning of crayons and paints at five years old
you don’t get that time back
you have to learn to live with that

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we advertised your space
it never felt right
but time moves on
and we have to go with
it, putting a value on where you called home
never sat right with me

estate agents coming and going like trains
that i always hoped i’d miss
suggesting changes alterations
to make more money
we never changed a thing
it was exactly how you left it

i remember you said you’d never leave
your little bungalow
and i don’t think you have
i heard you in the walls
and saw you standing in the garden
now i wonder if you’re somewhere hidden

why should you give up your home
your place of comfort
determined to be together until the end
it’s a shame your journey ended a few miles
from home, but you know the way back to where you belong

it’s just another day

there was something in the air
a whisper of wind
a ray of sunshine
green grass holding onto picnics
i see your face in the trunk of a tree
but it’s just another day

i have a letter on the mantelpiece
i’ve just remembered
i never posted it to you
but what’s the hurry
when strikes are lining
both sides of the streets
it’s just another day

when i walk slightly off pace
along a troubled path
that they never could fix
and cracks greet leaves
that fell their own way
it’s just another day

a lid of a pen
a rubber from the end of a pencil
a plug without a socket
it’s just not my day today

no you don’t

no you don’t
understand what it feels like
to have the carpet
pulled out from beneath your feet
and to have nothing but wind
below you

if you are the wind beneath my wings
then i’m not sure i’ll ever stop flying
i paint by numbers
to keep on track
but you’ll never stop me
from breaking the rules

i don’t like rules
we don’t stick together
capitals don’t belong to me
punctuation can stay away
but i listen to your thoughts
and i’ll fit them in a poem

someday

to love is to

to love is to
look up on a starry night
and hear nothing
except a whisper
of wind moving gracefully
towards us
a strand of hair let’s go
and flies around in front of your face
you gently brush it away
and look back
and i am not being dramatic but
i think the strings on my heart snapped
and played a blunt note
i’m prepared to slow dance
to the moon and back with you
only a handful of light
pushes it’s way through clouds
on stormy saturdays
constellations are forming somewhere
in my mind
gathering together
an unexpected kindness
greeted me at my window
last night
sometimes i dream
we will shiver together
until eternity

autumnal

there’s nothing like a crisp
morning wrapped up in a sweater
that your nan knitted for you, crackles
of thunder blow out the candlelight
but you’re searching
for a loved one in the dark, mind the leaves

they can be slippery this time of year, leaves
brush the path like a crisp
flake of snow searching
for a place to start, an old sweater
that smells of simpler times and candlelight
hangs in front of me, the crackle

of my grandfather’s fireplace reminds me of the crackling
sound he made when he tried to push those words out, but leaves
never leaf you alone, they’re highlighted in candlelight
swept out onto a blue crisp
sea, don’t forget your sweater
you whispered to me, i wonder if you’re searching

the skies for a sign of me tonight, searching
space for a glimpse, maybe there’s a crackle
and you think this could be it, then you see the sweater
you once knitted, and the leaves
moving in time to the wind
and it’s so cold now, crisp
cold, and then the candlelight

dies out, how can lost ones find their way without candlelight
how can they continue searching
for their missing pieces, a crisp
breeze and a few crackles
and they’ll be back among the leaves
that line the autumn path, if it were as easy as knitting a sweater

we would all be knitting sweaters
everyday, but once candlelight
has gone, it can be hard to find the leaves
to make it glow once again, you can search
the planet but you’ll never replace that crackle
you heard on a morning so crisp

when you left, all i had were the leaves from your garden and a sweater
which was fine for those crisp days, but when the candlelight
was gone, i was left searching for the crackle of the fire alone

petals of poetry’s past

i scatter the petals
that form my poetry
on the page, these words
that have past
me by cling to me like flowers
dance around the trunk of a tree

i watch leaves queue by a tree
i pick my thoughts and petals
one by one i turn them into a blooming flower
that forms my poetry
i’ve been past
many ideas, spoke to many words

i gently place words
in a line next to the tree
that i pass
each day, i look for a new petal
to grow in my poetry
that i can turn into a flower

it’s hard to find a good flower
as i search through piles of words
to add to my poetry
if i climb this tree
i may just find the petal
i need, i push past

empty pages, past
sad faces drooping flowers
brushing past petals
lost in the wind, words
lost on the tip of the tree
that’s what they call poetry

i need to thank poetry
for helping me in the past
for helping me reach the top of the tree
for helping me plant many flowers
for helping me get the words
out and organising the petals

i’m like a tree of poetry that keeps growing
even the petals of the past help me to keep going
i use flowers as words to keep me flowing